I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
