My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
