Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
