? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
