In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
