my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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