what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
