dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
