so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
