just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
