laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
