A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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