ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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