Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
