so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
