so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
