yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We left an ass print on the piano.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
