You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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