I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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