I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
