No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
