Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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