My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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