so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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