remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
