Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
