She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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