He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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