you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't deserve a penis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
