dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
