everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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