Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
