thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
