I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
