it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
