She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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