I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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