I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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