She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
