take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
