So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
