I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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