What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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