The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
