Nicole vs. Life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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