I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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