Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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