Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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