I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
