I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
