weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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